You do not need to prepare anything to make contact. But people who spend twenty quiet minutes with the questions below tend to get more out of a consultation, because the conversation starts at the real issue instead of circling it.
What do I actually want to happen?
This sounds obvious and rarely is. Reconciliation, clarity, an ending that does not hurt this much, or simply sleeping through the night again are all different goals, and they lead to different conversations. If you want two contradictory things at once, that is worth naming too — most people do.
What has already happened?
A rough timeline helps: when things changed, what was said, when contact stopped or became difficult. You do not need dates or evidence. An approximate sequence is enough to keep the conversation grounded.
What have I already tried?
Long messages, a friend acting as intermediary, counselling, silence, another practitioner. Knowing what has been attempted avoids repeating an approach that has already failed for you.
Who else is affected?
Children, family members, a shared home, shared work. These practical realities usually shape what is sensible far more than anything else, and they deserve to be part of the discussion rather than an afterthought.
How am I doing outside the relationship?
Sleep, appetite, work, health, money. Spiritual guidance is not medical, psychological, legal or financial advice, and it is not a substitute for any of them. If one of those areas is in trouble, the honest answer may be that it needs attention first or alongside.
What am I prepared to accept?
Another adult may decide something you did not want. A useful consultation holds both futures open — the one where things resume and the one where they do not — and helps you prepare for either. Thinking about this in advance is not giving up; it is what makes the rest of the conversation possible.
What do I want to ask?
- What could this practice reasonably contribute, and what can it not do?
- What will the whole thing cost, before I decide anything?
- How long does it take, and what happens afterwards?
- What are you not willing to do, and why?
- How is my information kept private?
Bringing it to the conversation
Notes are welcome. So is arriving with nothing but a difficult week and no idea where to begin — that is common, and the first part of a consultation exists exactly for that.